Humor Quotes

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol)

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. (David Frost)

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. (Robert Frost)

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. (Robert Frost)

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke -- and that the joke is oneself. (Clifton Paul Fadiman)


humor quotes

Technorati Profile

More Short Funny Quotes

Short funny quotes for today:

I can resist everything except temptation. (Oscar Wilde)

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.He said that is ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. (Rodney Dangerfield)

If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world. (Heinrich Heine)

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' (Charlie Brown)


short funny quotes

Love Quotes

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? (Lily Tomlin)

I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

Those who play the game do not see it as clearly as those who watch. (Chinese Proverb)

Women - Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing. (Sean Williamson)

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. (Jilly Cooper)

Love is easy to spot, when someone has found it! (Confusious)

love quotes

Funny Quotations

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets. (Dudley Moore)

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. (Ellen DeGeneres)

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them: "I have it at home in my spare wallet." (Nick Arnette)

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.I know because I've done it thousands of times. (Mark Twain)

Blessed are the young, for they will inherit the national debt. (Herbert Hoover).

The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
(Will Rogers)




For more short funny quotes visit us again soon.

Funny Quotes

Here are some nice short funny quotes for today:

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. (Mae West)

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. (E. DeGeners)

Did you ever think that making a speech on economy is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else. (Lyndon Johnson)

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat? (T. Snyder)

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. (Partick Moore)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.' (Joe Namath)

Short Funny Quotes

I find television very educating.Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. (Groucho Marx)

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? (Benny Hill)

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep. (Jim Loy)

If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. ( Homer Simpson)

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. (Oscar Wilde)


English -- Who needs that? I'm never going to England! (Homer Simpson)



More short funny quotes coming soon...


Partners:

The Perfect Golf Swing
Start a Bed and Breakfast
Become an Event Planner
Ebook Publishing
HTML Code
Become a Real Estate Agent

Welcome to Short Funny Quotes Blog

Hello everyone and welcome to my new blog. Here I want to give you various funny quotes - funny movie quotes, famous quotes, inspirational and motivational quotes,good love quotes and other short funny quotes. I hope will succeed in this.

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
(Homer J. Simpson)

I will try to have regular posts here,but...

"If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!" (Ace Ventura).